Leaving home for pleasure vs. leaving out of need

Today I visited an asylum centre north of Copenhagen. Three friends from my church and I invited the people living in the centre to a hall which we had turned into a café with coffee, cookies, board games, music and table tennis. Every time we have been to the asylum centre we have listened to the life stories of people living there. Stories of persecution, war, violence, separation from family members and long journeys without passports. Stories of leaving home out of desperation.

During my university studies I did an exchange program in Madrid and stayed in a flat with five other people. Four of them were from South America and had come to Spain to work and send money back to their families. Money that would cover school fees of their children and hospital bills of family members. The South American flat mates hardly left the apartment, other than when going to work, in order to not have unnecessary expenses for transport, food/drinks, etc. My 5^thflat mate was a Danish exchange student like me. Attending cultural events and frequenting restaurants, cafés and bars were everyday activities in our exchange student lives in Madrid. We had basically gone to Spain for the experience and excitement of living in a different country and to enjoy life. The South Americans had left home hoping that economic transfers from Europe would improve the lives of family members back home.

In the movie‘The Motorcycle Diaries’ Che Guevara and his friend Alberto Granado leave their homes in Buenos Aires, Argentina, to go on a road trip through South America on a motorcycle. They are upper class young students and go traveling based on an adventurous urge to see and experience new places. On their journey they meet a communist couple who have fled their town due to persecution for their political views. The contrast is enormous; the two young guys left home because they wished to experience something different from their home. The communist couple had left everything dear to them and would rather have stayed at home.

The travel experiences of people I met today at the asylum centre, my South American flat mates in Madrid and the communist couple in the movie ‘The Motorcycle Diaries’ represent stark contrasts to my own travel experiences. First, the motivation for traveling differs enormously; it is a question of leaving home for pleasure vs. leaving out of need. Second, I leave home with the assurance that I will soon see my family again. Many people around the world leave their homes and do not reunite with their family back home for years or they may never be reunited.

The visit at the asylum centre today reminded me that being able to choose the timing and destination of a journey and the date for home coming and reunification with family members back home is a gift and a privilege. The free choice of staying at home is likewise a major privilege which many people in the world do not have.

Parenteser
(poem in Danish)

Befinder mig i en overgang fra et til noget andet

I mit hoved indstiller jeg mig på ændringen

Fremtiden er allerede mentalt blevet en del af mit nuværende liv

Lever jeg i en parentes?

Ser ofte mest fremad

Livet nu bliver en parentes

Parentesen synes dog at kendetegne livet

Overgangene kan ikke være parenteser

Overgangene er blevet mit liv

Jeg forsøger at se på nuet

Parentesen bliver langsomt til brødtekst

Og jeg ved at hver dag

er et skridt videre i det der er mit liv.  

Slow fixes

I have back pain. It took me 10 months of pain until I finally went to the doctor who referred me to a physiotherapist. “Jogging is bad for your back”, the physiotherapist told me. She just confirmed my suspicion. The last 10 months my back pain has intensified after jogging which resulted in me jogging less and less as the months went by. After the session at the physiotherapist I started worrying about that the physiotherapist would tell me that I should skip jogging for the rest and my life and substitute it with Pilates! I felt it would be a very hard verdict as I associate Pilates with slowness and much less fun (if at all) than many other sports.

I wonder why I did not get an appointment with the doctor earlier. Somehow I managed to convince myself that it would soon pass and I got used to the pain. In retrospective it seems quite illogical but I think I was not ready to slow down, for what if other plans had to be paused or stopped due to this unexpected interruption?

I instinctively associate illness with stagnation, lack of progress and freedom and I find it quite scary to think of those in connection to my own life. I discussed with some friends today why talking with a sick person about their illness can sometimes be awkward. May it be because we pity people who are not able to live out “their full potential”? Illness can put on hold or hinder fulfilling dreams and limits a person’s range of opportunities; this is a situation we all wish to avoid. I think that being confronted with other people’s limitations make me feel uncomfortable as it reminds me of my own fragility and the potential limitations to my own self actualization I may encounter further on in my life (but really wish to avoid) due to illness or other circumstances.

Today my physiotherapist introduced me to a 30 min. exercise program I am supposed to do every other day for the next months. For my back to stay healthy I will however have to continue to exercise for much longer. “For your back to stay healthy it requires endurance and stability”, she said.

Endurance and stability are virtues I clearly see in the lives of my parents and their generation. My own generation is rather characterized by short-term commitments (jobs, voluntary work, relationships, etc.), effectiveness and rapidity. This I think is a result of our urge to develop and avoid stagnation. Experiencing stagnating is a legitimate reason to make active choices towards something that will help you to develop and progress. Avoiding or removing limitations that hinder you from achieving your goals shows that you are in control of your own life and able to actualize yourself.

I hate that my back pain keeps me from jogging and that I have to do “slow (boring) sports”at the moment. But mostly I hate the thought of being limited by something which is not quickly and effectively fixed. I have quite some practice in being effective and quick whereas I have very little practice in practicing “endurance and stability”. The coming months will for sure be challengeing  (and hopefully a learning experience) for me as an individual of a generation where limitations to my personal freedom and progress are hard to accept; especially if they cannot be quickly removed.

Men's involvement in HIV prevention in South Africa

Gender inequality and HIV have been described as two major “epidemics” in South Africa. The "epidemics" are closely related. South Africa is the country of the world with the highest number of HIV positive inhabitants (5.6 million out of a total population of 50.4 million). Furthermore South Africa is considered a patriarchal society where masculinity is heavily defined around control over women. This means that men are generally in control of the timing and terms of sexual relations, including decision-making in regards to prevention options. Men’s sexual behaviors are seen as a central reason to HIV spread in South Africa. This includes multiple sexual partners, sexual violations of women and unwillingness to use condoms and thereby transmitting the disease to sexual partners.

In December 2010 I blogged on how I became a fan of the South African national soccer team (after I had watched them play at Green Point Stadium in Cape Town). My newfound interest was not related to the soccer team’s endeavors on the soccer field but rather their involvement as ambassadors of the national South African campaign Brothers for Life. Brothers for Life seeks to create a South African movement of responsible men. Soccer and rugby players and a number of other known and respected South Africans have assigned to the brotherhood of Brothers for life and serve as role models who demonstrate how a real man should behave.  A brother acts responsibly in various areas; he is not violent towards his partner (South Africa rates of gender violence and rape are among the highest in the world), he takes fatherhood seriously and he protects himself and his partner from HIV transmission.

The last couple of months I have studied HIV prevention in South Africa. Through my studies I found out that since the late 90s there is an increased focus on men’s involvement in HIV prevention globally. The idea is to motivate men to actively contribute to the halting the major public health problem of HIV and AIDS. Brothers for Life is an example of such an approach.

Globally women’s empowerment is a major area of focus in the attempt to halt the spread of HIV in women. Women’s rights organizations empower women by e.g. informing them about their rights to decide over their own bodies and women’s programs assist women in generating an income which will help them become less dependent on male partners (and thus become more independent sexually). The disadvantage has been that men have felt threatened by programs that empower women and perceived it as an attack on masculinity and men’s position in society. 

I believe that men’s involvement approaches such as the South African Brothers for Life movement is key if the HIV epidemic of South Africa is to be halted. Brothers for Life seek to redefine the traditional notion of masculinity (defined heavily around control and dominance over women) into a masculinity notion based on responsible behaviors and men treating women with greater respect. Therefore if they succeed in having men taking greater responsibility for the HIV epidemic they may also forge new South African masculinities. Men’s involvement in HIV prevention may thereby also contribute to a general betterment of women’s lives in South Africa.

A morning walk in Frankfurt

Digt og billeder fra en gåtur en oktobermorgen i Frankfurt.

Smukke linjer omkring mig

Himlen udgør en dramatisk baggrund

Forsøger desperat at indfange skønheden

med den rigtige vinkel.

Byen spejler sig i vandet

Byen tårner sig op og rammer himlen

Ser mig omkring og fascineres

Og ved, at skønheden er i øjeblikket lige nu.

What is home to me?

Considerations regarding my personal savings have for the last, maybe, eight years mainly revolved around the question “how many flight tickets can I afford?” During my youth my dreams for the future have never involved a house and “settling” but rather “where in the world do I go next?”. 

I have felt quite at home in many countries I have travelled to. Almost in every place I have gone I have at some point thought of the possibility of staying on a more permanent basis and considered what I could work with in that particular place.

Like so many other young people of my generation I have an extensive variety of opportunities. These opportunities include travelling to new places. For me travelling equals excitement, new inputs and being stretched and challenged.  The challenge often arises from encounters and situations that force me to ask myself why I think and act the way I do. The last couple of years the overarching question has been “What is home to me?”. The question seems to become more and more pressing and demands to be answered. 

For me traveling has often meant that my life at times has very little continuity in terms of a staying in the same place or being around the same people for a longer period of time. Travelling has truly enriched my life in many ways. However, what I have found is, that I, as many other post-modern people in a world full of opportunity but very little stability, long for something I can call home.   

Not long ago a friend asked me “What is home to you?”. I replied that home is my loved ones. I think friends and family is the best way of creating “home” in a world where there seems to be no limits to the range of opportunities and thereby also a lack of a frame which can create a space of security and sense of belonging. A home. What would be the consequences, if I really want to live what I say? If my loved once are my home; would that mean that I need to change my priorities? Should I instead of planning new travels and consider how I could create myself a life in a new place, try intentionally to invest more in relationships with people I call “home”?.  

My answer to the question “what is home to you”, I must admit, was not well considered but rather spontaneous. I will still have to wrestle with it. At this point of my life I think this will stretch and challenge me even more than any travelling experience.

Meeting my identical twin

This weekend I met a girl from Switzerland. Her family is originally
from Congo. We were in the same small group at a conference I attended
in Frankfurt. When we found out that we both are interested in
international development, we wanted to chat more and decided to
have lunch together.

We talked about our our passion for social justice, our many travels,
about being restless, and how that impacts on your relationships with
other people. We talked about what sense of belonging is when you have
spent shorter or longer times in many places. About settling, etc.

Every other minute one of us would say: I know exactly what you mean!
Hearing her speak was like hearing my own thought spoken by another
person. Some of the things I have formulated in other words myself,
others things I had never said out loud before.

I may never have met a person in my life that I felt so similar to
and therefore also understood by. In my best relationships I
“understand” others because I know the personality of a person and
therefore also understand why s/he thinks or reacts in a certain way.

The fascinating thing about relationship is often the differences,
which on the one hand can frustrate us and on the other hand draws us
to others and fascinates us. However I must admit when sitting by that
lunch table and hearing the person across from me coming to
conclusions on travelling, restlessness, home, etc. which I have also
come to was extremely fascinating too. Besides being fascinated, it
also left me with a feeling of being fully accepted and even a feeling
of “not being alone”.

She had dark skin and long braids and I white skin and flat
blond hair, but personality wise the resemblance was so outspoken that
I considered for a moment if she might have been my real twin – my
real identical twin.